Before I begin, this post is mainly just me completely overthinking an unexpected situation where someone is bothering to make an effort with me when they don’t actually have any obligation to whatsoever, and why I reacted the way I have. I thought I’d write and share this with you guys and hopefully make sense to myself as to how and why we view a situations like this a certain way. I shall begin to explain.
So the ward manager – I shall refer to her as “Jane Doe”, from one of my previous acute wards (we had a really strong relationship – she was like my rock) called the ward manager here and said she wanted to write me a letter, and then come to see me. She also mentioned that it was in her ward that I sustained a significant wound that I still currently have.
So long story short, I misinterpreted the ward manager here by thinking she was coming all this way to see me only about wound, and I burst into unexpected tears and said “don’t bother!” The consultant said “Maybe you need to realise that you are important to people.” To which I then said “If she really thought I was important then she would be coming to see me, not just for my wound.” But turns out that Jane Doe ‘s original intentions of visiting wasn’t related to my wound anyway – she was coming to see me for me, so although I was still baffled, I calmed down. The ward manager here gave me a hug, told me to keep my heart open and told me not to push people away. I really need to work on my interpersonal relationship skills.
I guess it’s quite confusing because I move around so much and meet so many different people, form relationships, yet only to be ripped apart from them again. And when they unexpectedly walk back into our lives, it can really throw you.
My move from the acute ward where Jane Doe managed, to the second acute ward was totally sudden and unexpected move. The decision was made by the “higher up” managers of the trust for a very unnecessary reason. Basically the two wards are in the same town, but the second ward was based for people from the town I am from, whilst the first ward is for patients in the same vicinity. The move was out of the consultant’s and Jane Doe’s control. I ended up in general hospital for a week literally as soon as I transferred wards and Jane Doe visited me there and again when I was discharged from general hospital, as a form of closure. There were hugs, and Jane Doe made a joke saying I should relocate to town so I could go back to her ward. I showed her around the ward, chatted for at least an hour. She said she’d be thinking of me, then handed over important information to the staff as to how they managed me on her ward, and that was it.
So it is only natural for me to wonder about her motive of taking at least a 2 hour drive to see me again, when she no longer has any obligation or duty of care ties with me.
It is interesting how my my main emotion is complete surprise, more than feeling cared for. I think a lot of people can relate to the feeling, especially those with low self esteem, and those who have little to none experience of people caring for them unconditionally without having an ulterior motive.
However, although I am nervous, I am going to embrace it as a positive thing and keep an open mind. For anyone who has bothered to read my ramblings – thank you, and I hope that my writing has at least made some sense.