Decisions, decisions…

Hey everyone hope your week is going as well as possible.

Firstly, I know I’ve posted about  my fears of not getting freedom back, I managed to get back the particular freedom that was taken away from me which I am happy about. So that’s good news.

Had my ward round this afternoon too. I had quite a few positive things said – that I am interacting with people more, taken better care of my hygeine etc. 

However it is my CPA (meeting where everyone including my care coordinator takes part) next week, marking the end of my 6 week assessment period. Before then, my primary nurse has to write her reccomendations which she says she will find hard. Even I feel torn. To stay here You have to be committed to stopping certain behaviours and learning other ways. I’ve said I am not ready to want to stop certain behaviours but I am willing to explore the underlying reasons – which kinda goes against the program. To be honest at the moment I don’t want to be here at all, but there are worse alternatives. If PICU and acute wards were the only alternatives for now then I’d just request to leave, but there are medium secure wards that exist where youre not allowed anything, let alone your phone at all. I don’t want any regret.

So that’s a tough one.

Currently I am sitting in the lounge feeling relatively ok. Last night due to my depot increase, I went to bed at 7 despite trying desperately to stay awake, but today I had a nap this afternoon so I am hoping to sleep at a later hour.

There’s a lot for me to think about it, but I’m not going to think about it for the rest of the day. Instead I shall focus on having the most bearable/pleasant rest of the day possible.

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