Hey guys hope you’re ok. Had my CPA which was a slight anticlimax to say the least. Also, it turns out that for now, I’m staying, which I have a lot of mixed feelings about. There will also be a meeting on the 4th January and by then they will expect (and be disappointed) a lot more progress regarding certain behaviours and compulsions. I managed to clarify a few other things too. I brought up the fact I feel staff don’t like me because of my self destructive episodes are “inconvenient”, and the consultant said it was more upsetting to witness than anything else, which I hadn’t thought of before.
Even though it’s only a few weeks away, I don’t know how I feel about spending Christmas here… But it looks like either way I’d be spending Christmas in hospital whether it’s here or somewhere else.
Anyway I am going to try and make the most of the rest of the day (even if it does just mean sitting with the others listening to my music) and forget about it. Maybe if I try hard enough, I’ll be able to forget, just for a little bit, that I’m in hospital. I wish.