That’s how I feel today. The name of this post says it itself. Meds make you feel crap so you take more meds to balance it out. If only I could be without any medication. When I was 15 and first hospitalised, taking medication for mental health was completely new to me. I was shocked. And now since the last nearly 7 years I have rattled like a walking pharmacy with all the different drugs I’ve been put on.
Anyway there isn’t a particular topic that I wanted to blog about. I guess this is just me using my blog as a space to vent, as apposed to occasional topic articles that other bloggers tend to prefer.
I guess the last few days I’ve been feeling extra low and have had to take quite a bit of PRN medication (medication on the side to be used as and when needed). I feel crap about my life my situation and crap about needing to take PRN. The nurses say it’s a good thing I am recognising when I am struggling and that it’s better for me to ask for PRN instead of letting things escalate and me being forced to take the medication anyway. But I’m constantly worried about being criticised for it.
I feel extremely empty and I can’t seem to focus on doing anything let alone do some colouring, watch TV episodes or anything. Every day is the same here. Meal times and cigarette slots break up the day (and groups, but I’m not allowrd to most of them yet ). I feel paralysed. There’s nothing to do here, no where to go. I’m not even allowed in my room until night time! There is also Ward round tomorrow which I am nervous about what to say. Luckily I’ll be 3rd on the list so I won’t have to wait too long. I still have not yet decided whether I want to stay or if I want to go. Lots of things on my mind. But anyway, I shall stop ranting for now and continue drinking my iced black coffee.